NBA players who are better in ‘NBA 2K17’ than in real life

Posted on March 17, 2017

The *best* versions of themselves

Let’s make one thing clear first and foremost: you have to be damn good at basketball to find your way into NBA 2K.

Everyone in this game could and would atomize me into a sad lump of dust on the basketball floor and then use hundred dollar bills to sweep my remains off the court. You have to be in the top .25 percent of the world’s basketball players just to smell the level of ability required to be in this game.

That being said.

The following are some players who, for one reason or another, are outplaying reality in NBA 2K17, as based on my extremely unscientific observations and personal experience in the game.

They’re not bad players in real life, they’re just digital monsters that the programming gods have taken a shine to in palpable ways. Because even game developers buy jerseys.

 Carmelo Anthony

I hate doing this, because I love and believe in Carmelo Anthony in the same way that I believe in the sun coming up in the morning and Lawry’s making whatever you’re cooking better.

But any iteration of Carmelo is borderline unfair in 2K, to which Knicks fans will say “Duh” but I say “Nay.” Carmelo is a great scorer, and moving past the fact that game developers have made his mid-range nigh unstoppable, the most unfair aspect of Melo’s game is his defense.

Even the most basic, stock-level Melo can guard any position on the floor in 2K. Point guards? It’s a squeeze, but he’s got it. Centers? Definitely. LeBron? Sure.

That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.
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Browns looking to trade QB Osweiler

Posted on March 11, 2017

The Cleveland Browns do not intend on having Brock Osweiler play a single snap for the team.

The Browns are looking to trade Brock Osweiler for a third-round pick, Mary Kay Kabot of reports.

According to Kabot, the Browns are willing to give up a fifth-round pick in the trade and retain half of Osweiler’s $16 million salary.

The Browns acquired Osweiler, along with a second-round pick, on Thursday from the Houston Texans.

Per Cabot, the Browns will cut Osweiler and eat his salary if they cannot find a trade partner. She reports the team still intends to attempt to acquire Jimmy Garoppolo from the New England Patriots.

Osweiler was a heavily coveted free agent last season and signed a four-year, $72 million with the Texans.

However, he went 8-6 as a starter last season with 15 touchdowns and 16 interceptions, leading the Texans to pay a hefty price to ditch his contract.

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